bank unconcerned with art, employee incredulous

My "real" job at Chowderhead University is all about the words.  That’s what I like: me and my words, we real tight.  My "pretend" job at Asshats Federal Credit Union, is, let’s say, slightly less concerned with artful expression.  Having survived my statistics review today, which I can only assume was some sort of miracle which I’ll have to repay to the universe at some later date, I have decided to bring the numbers game to Zembla.  So here, Lieblings, is my day in numbers:

  • Calls at the Stupid Bank which were secretly monitored: 3
  • Pieces of uncovered, day-old, unrefrigerated  office birthday cake accidentally eaten: 1
  • Showers taken: 0
  • Days running wearing same clothes: 2
  • Hours slept: unsure
  • Cups of coffee consumed: 0
  • Clinically insane Guamanians conversed with: 243,571
  • Would-be fraudsters thwarted with my mad detective skills: 1
  • Pages written: 0
  • Glasses of wine (finally!) consumed: 1 in progress
  • Advisability of fucking with me today: 0


  1. Well, Liebling was pretty wise. See here:

    “No sane man can afford to dispense with debilitating pleasures; no ascetic can be considered reliably sane. Hitler was the archetype of the abstemious man. When the other krauts saw him drink water in the Beer Hall they should have known he was not to be trusted.”


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