Workers of the World Unite! You Have Nothing To Lose but Your Frames.

My teaching fellowship at the university means that I am in a union. I rarely attend meetings (only occasionally having shown up for the free pizza and beer), rarely vote, and in fact I rarely even think about this fact. This week, however, I must say that I am fairly thrilled with the union and the collective bargaining and the hey-hey, because I have purchased a new pair of glasses at a ridiculously cheap price. We are lucky enough to get decent health insurance, including dental and vision benefits, and it seems that the coverage gets slightly better every year. This year, I discovered, we got an additional $50 discount on the cost of … something, I don’t know. Anyway, my point is this: There was an extra fifty dollars I wasn’t expecting, and I was able to choose fancier, schmancier frames than I had thought, and yea verily it doth please me.

I have had the same glasses for at least six years now and although I love them, it is time for a change. I’m not getting rid of these, because really, I love them, but also because I paid an arm and a leg for them so I plan on eventually bequeathing them to my grandchildren. Nonetheless, I thought it might be nice to have a pair of frames that weren’t so quirky and so distinctive and so freaking loud that no one bothered to look at my actual face. You know? Countless times I have run into someone while I was wearing contacts, someone who had only previously seen me in my specs, and they have failed to even recognize me. That will make a person feel small all right. Other than grabbing their shoulders and shaking them while hollering into their imperceptive faces WHAT AM I? JUST A PAIR OF QUIRKY SPECTACLES TO YOU? I HAVE A FACE, TOO, YOU KNOW!, I thought I might do with a pair of more professional-type frames. I will be picking them up on Friday, and trewely that doth please me, too.

I suppose all those union dues over the years are adding up: maybe I will consider voting in the next election, or even attending an other meeting (only with the promise of pizza and beer, of course; a girl has got to have standards).

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