Game Day Excesses (Now with Bonus Excesses!)

New Wye is a big college football town, as I may have mentioned before.  Every home game, the town fills up with tailgating fans in their giant RVs.  Sometimes ESPN takes over all of the parking areas on campus with their tents and trucks. All week long, the grocery stores stockpile giant “tailgating trays” heaped high with cheese cubes and then sell out of them in a flash by Friday night. The streets downtown become a sea of tee-shirts and flags in the school colors, and general fun and revelry proceeds, or at least it appears to.

I live close enough to the stadium to witness a lot of the insanity.  For example, I just walked outside this morning with the dog, and we were confronted by a very large Goodyear Blimp doing low circles over the building — the dog did not approve of this at all, but he did seem marginally less offended than when the Blue Angel fighter jets were practicing their moves above the stadium a while back.

People like to cite statistics about the huge influx of fans on game weekends, saying that the town’s population triples or even quadruples.  I don’t know how accurate that is, but let’s just say I’d definitely believe it.  Things get slightly absurd around here.

Here’s the problem this week, though: all the crazy fans are here, doing their crazy fan things and buying out the local supplies of beer and cheese cubes, which is fine, but they might not be able to leave because there is no gas for sale in town.  We  ran out of gas during the Hurricane Ike Gas Freak Out, and new supplies haven’t been delivered yet.  Does this, um, seem like a problem to you, too?  I really hope those huge RVs all have giant reserve gas tanks somewhere, because I do NOT want these crazed football fans sticking around any longer than necessary.  Otherwise, I will be stuck in a town completely bereft of cheese cubes with no way to escape.

BONUS FOOTBALL-EXCESSES FACT! The head coach here makes 81x my annual salary.  Eighty-one times. Each English instructor teaches 7-8 classes per year, equaling about 220 students. For the cost of one football coach, 17,820 kids could take an English class. FACT.


  1. Josh seems a tad insincere, but I’m a curmudgeon. Having said that, perhaps if you organized some sort of Battle of the Bards with other institutes of marginally higher learning, perhaps you could get a raise to say, 1/53rd of the football coahes salary.


  2. Hi, I found your blog on this new directory of WordPress Blogs at I dont know how your blog came up, must have been a typo, i duno. Anyways, I just clicked it and here I am. Your blog looks good. Have a nice day. James.


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