I am going to tell you all about my wonderful trip to San Francisco (Best City Ever), but before I do that I have to get a few things out of my system about flying. Well, mainly one thing:
I had the worst flight ever on my way back to New Wye. I was seated by a mother traveling with a large restless toddler who had opted to save money by flying with the kid on her lap instead of buying a separate seat. This in itself is no problem — I have sat by many lap-babies on many flights in the past and most of them were just fine — but the woman had absolutely NO SENSE of the space around her.
Throughout the entire five-and-a-half-hour flight, I was being kicked, hit, poked, prodded, nudged, leaned on, and shoved by both the mom and the kid. I could give you a play-by-play account of the whole miserable affair — believe me, every single moment of it is seared into my brain — but I think that’s largely unnecessary. They were basically using me (seated on the aisle) and the woman in the window seat as pieces of furniture. In the dead of night while everyone else on the plane was silent and sleeping, I had to use all my strength to resist shaking them awake and screaming into their faces to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP TOUCHING ME.
At one point I was so frustrated and exhausted I couldn’t stop crying, so I had to go stand in the bathroom for several minutes to a) hide and b) have space around me where no one was TOUCHING ME GODDAMNIT.
And there you have the main problem of air travel. We are packed into the damned planes like sardines in a can and there is just no way to avoid being touched and breathed on by strangers. And now I am paying the price — in spite of vigilant vitamin and water consumption, I have come down with a bitch of a cold. I keep thinking that the next day it will start getting better instead of worse, and I keep being wrong. My whole skull is a festival of FAIL. Needless to say, I blame that horrible woman and her squirming child.
And now, I am off to the horrible grocery store to buy the following pathetic items: cold medicine (I ran out), Kleenex (also ran out), lemon juice (oh, guess what; I ran out of that, too), and some kind of soup. If I can’t clear out my sinuses soon, I am thinking of eating an entire tube of wasabi. Do you dare me?