Well, I am mildly embarrassed about the Twitter/TV Spoiler bitchfest I last posted, but this blog has always existed as an airing of grievances, so, um, there you go. Grievance motherfrakking AIRED.
I’ve got a few other grievances to air, but I’ll be brief about these because once they’re aired I can move on to more pleasant news. Brace yourself:
- The morning after our big, glorious snowfall, my car door was frozen shut. Giving a firm, wholehearted tug on the door handle caused me to unintentionally RIP THE HANDLE RIGHT OFF! In order to open my driver’s-side door now, I have to work my fingernail under the remaining stump of the handle and coax it upward. This will mean so many ruined manicures I want to cry.
- After successfully warding off the Goddamned Motherfucking Rat-Bastard Shinsplints for the past seven months of running, I got a horrible case of them in my right leg, which became clear during my Monday run. I guess I also must have over-corrected for it during that (forcedly brief) run, because I managed to strain my right calf and something in my left quad area as well. Am now banished to the recumbent bike over in the corner until it heals.
- I think I might have a cavity.
- There are almost NO jobs at all for me to apply for in the spring market postings.
- My eye appointment of destiny, at which point I will finally be able to replace the thick black horn-rims I have been wearing since the year 2000, keeps not happening for various reasons. (More on this later; it warrants a post all its own.)
- My pectorals and various arm muscles are all crazy sore after a big upper-body workout in the weight room the other day, and today I noticed that even writing on the board in class was taxing me! (Maybe in light of the fact that I accidentally ripped my car apart, I should consider lightening up on the upper-body weights?)
Alrighty, then. Moving on.
Guess what I am doing for spring break, which is coming in only twelve days? I am going to exciting Las Vegas, where I will be hanging out with my two best friends in the entire world!
OH YES INDEEDY.
I will be traveling with my friend Clarabella (whom many of you know in real life or as a frequent commenter here) to visit our other best friend Mel (whom you may also know!), who has been living in in Vegas for about a year and a half. Mel was in law school on the East Coast while I was in grad school on the West Coast, and when we graduated the same year, we swapped — now I live in the East and she’s out West! While these developments have been good for our carreers and such, it surely does make popping by to hang out a bit of a challenge! Thus, while C and I get to see each other relatively often, neither of us has seen M in what feels like forever.
And! Did you know! Mel is the friend I mentioned earlier who just had a baby boy (my second honorary nephew!), and C and I will be able to meet him for the first time. We have already warned M that she will basically not be able to hold her own baby except for feedings, because we’ll be fighting over the little guy the whole time. He’s just adorable in pictures, and I can’t wait to nuzzle his chubby little cheeks in person!
You might assume that, since we’ll be in Vegas, we will be spending a bunch of time and money at the casinos – if we want to, I know that Mel and her husband can be great guides, since her husband is an expert poker player and Mel is no slouch herself. However, I have basically no money to waste, so I don’t want to risk a bunch on gambling. Here’s what I’m thinking: when I was visiting C a few weeks ago, we caught the film 21 on cable. That card-counting scheme looked pretty easy, right? And, I mean, I’m sure no tough Lawrence-Fishburne-esque security guard would beat up a bunch of cute ladies like us! Maybe we should bring the baby for sympathy/distraction. What do you think?
Raveling Out 
You know what the BEST PART of that counting cards scheme is? Wearing . . . wait for it . . . DISGUISES! Oh my gods, we would get to buy and wear wigs. I’m in.
Also, what is UP with the frakking eye people? Seriously?
Oh lordy, I did not even consider the awesomeness of DISGUISES! Maybe I should bring my red Sydney Bristow wig with me just in case.
And re the eye thing, you are pretty much up to date as of last we talked, but I haven’t shared the whole story here – so it’ll be old news to you when I finally do post about it.
For your muscles, take whey protein. It helps with recovery and reduces the soreness. I don’t want to sound off here like some big weightlifter dude, but I do lift weights and I find that taking it before and after lifting reduces soreness considerably.
Also, regarding running – do you run on blacktop or dirt/gravel? Running on blacktop will give you shinsplints. Ever consider swimming? Very easy on the joints and works both upper, mid and lower body.
Have fun in Vegas!
Soft surfaces are better on the shins, although shins are an evil all their own. Have you tried scolding them tersely?
Also, the OTHER best thing about card counting is that card counting is not illegal. If you get caught you’ll get blacklisted and tossed out, but it isn’t fraud (it’s arithmetic) so you can’t get arrested. Although, I hear, now the major casinos use multiple deck autoshufflers and reshuffle after each hand or something so that kind of puts a damper on counting.
The problem with whey protein is that it’s milk based, and if you’re avoiding the animal products, it’s a no-no. Will soy protein do the same thing?
If there’s a pool at the Uni rec center, try water jogging. It’s f’ing hard, but really fun.
The problem with soy protein is that it has phyto-estrogens which mimic female hormones. I suppose it’s more of a problem for males than females. I think whey also has a higher biological value than soy. Soy products also lacks some of the immunoglobulins and other biological compounds present in whey.
But yes, for strict vegetarians it is an alternative to whey.
And don’t forget, there’s a card-counting app for your mighty iPhone. Banned in the casinos, I hear.
Of course, if they re-shuffle the WHOLE deck after each hand, the odds never change. The longer you play, the more you lose. (Needless to say, if they only re-shuffle the shoe that is remaining, keep on counting. But they won’t.)
Re the running stuff, I run on a treadmill. If I even LOOK at a sidewalk I start getting plantar fasciitis, shinsplints, AND my bum knee starts crying.
I don’t know about adding any protein supplements to my diet — I don’t think that really fits in at the moment.
And finally, you guys know we’re JOKING about the card counting scheme, right?
Running is extremely hard on the joints, not just your shins. Is swimming an option? You get the same benefits as running but without all the stress of running.