It’s spring in New Wye; about that there can be no doubt. The signs are disturbingly clear. Mere moments ago, in fact, the dog and I were out for a long neighborhood walk in the oppressively sunny weather and we were dive bombed by a swarm of furry bumble bees, each one of which was approximately the size of a baby’s fist. Spring has sprung!
As many of you know, I loathe and despise the weather here in New Wye, because apparently I am fated to always hate the weather wherever I am with absolutely no regard for logical consistency. Back in the relentless gray rains of Zembla, I would have cheerfully killed for a sunshiny day in the 70s, but currently I am so sick of that kind of weather that a week of severe thunderstorms, flash flooding, and tornadoes sounds like an amusing diversion. (We had several days of that last week, in fact, and it was quite pleasant indeed!)
While I am on the topic of my location’s shortcomings, can I just tell you about the bag boy at the grocery store the other day? I had only brought one of my reusable canvas bags in with me and all of my groceries wouldn’t fit in it, so the bag boy had to put the rest of the stuff in plastic bags. It was like he was on a mission to waste as any bags as possible in exchange for the bags I was trying to save by using my own. The following items were each placed in their own individual plastic bags: dog food, cat food, carton of soy milk, a candle, another candle, box of cereal, set of Ziploc containers, carton of grape tomatoes. EACH. IN ITS OWN. INDIVIDUAL. BAG. What the fuck, dude?
I was so busy wrangling with the debit card scanner that I didn’t notice the bagging situation until I had wheeled the cart out to my car, at which point I consolidated the items into a more appropriate number of bags, stomped back into the store, deposited the extra bags back at the bag boy’s station, and knowingly glared at him. I mean, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I am absolutely 100% certain that the egregious bag wasting was done on purpose as some kind of passive-aggressive sneer in the face of environmentalism. No one puts each individual item in its own bag — no way is that, like, standard practice, or anything. It just can’t be.
Of course, this is the same grocery store that stocks pig feet in the produce section, so one really shouldn’t expect much.