My recent exploits in diet and exercise have given me occasion to investigate the many, many pairs of pants I have in my closet. Like most women, I think, I am in possession of pants in at least three different sizes: the skinny pants, the pants, and the fat pants. At different times in a woman’s life, she may find herself in need of differently sized pants. This is science.
At this particular point in my life, it appears I am in need of the skinny pants. One morning, in a fit of sheer daring, I tried on a pair of American Eagle jeans that had never actually fit me correctly. I think I wore these jeans maybe once immediately after buying them, found them to be uncomfortably tight (to the tune of “I am being sawed in half by my own waistband”), and then stashed them away for thinner day in the undefined and unimaginable future. At the moment that I pulled these jeans on and comfortably zipped them up without the need to squirm or hold my breath, a resounding victory cheer echoed through all the lands.
Since these — my smallest, smallest jeans — actually fit, I realized a closet re-organization was in order. It appears that not only do I have ridiculous numbers of pants, but that I also seem to have not one, not two, but three (THREE!) pairs of grey trousers from Old Navy. One pair is now too big and will be given away, but still. Three pairs of grey trousers? It is excess I tell you.
In contrast, I now only have one well-fitting pair of black trousers. That would seem to be acceptable, but 1) they go with my suit and therefore aren’t for every day and 2) they will soon be too large. Which leads me to the fact that, assuming I go to The Big Conference of Jerkburgers this winter and have interviews (hopefully), I will have to buy another suit. Someone hold me.
At any rate, I will leave you with the following summary-like thoughts:
1) Hooray for my jeans!
2) If you go shopping with me any time soon, please attempt to stop me from purchasing any further pairs of grey trousers.
2a) Come to think of it, where were you when I was buying all these pairs I have now, huh? WHERE WERE YOU?
3) Can I interest you in a pair of grey trousers?