I’ve been all in a funk for the last week and a ton of weird, annoying shit has been happening — and not just to me! Friends far and wide have cited incidences of the funk in their own daily goings on.
If you’re into astrology you might blame the old Mercury Retrograde, which is said to screw things up pretty regularly. Last week I jokingly cited this astrological nonsense on twitter (as usual, without checking the facts) only to find out that Mercury really is in retrograde. Huh. What do you know about that?
Anyway, has your life been funkdafied as well? Is the universe serving you up a slice of old, funky pie? Please chime in if so!
BUT FIRST! Here’s a List of the Shit:
1. While cooking dinner the other night, I accidentally sliced off a smidge of my fingertip. It hurt; it was nasty; blood was everywhere. When I finally got the situation under control, I happened to notice that the dog had, in the middle of all the chaos, encircled me in a ring of urine. So that was fun. Theories abound: most people seem to think he was “protecting” me. Next time I will thank him to leave well enough alone — it’s bad enough to have to clean up your own blood and finger mess, but to have to clean up dog pee, too?
2. Later that night, I was awakened by the sounds of my cat scratching at my bedroom door at 3:00 AM. I got up and opened the door to shoo her away only she wasn’t there. No cat in sight. You know what was there? A giant fucking palmetto bug the size of my fist. If you are lucky enough not to know what a palmetto bug is, it’s basically an enormous flying cockroach. It flew away into the living room, where it probably still lurks today. Waiting. Lurkingly.
3. Two days later, same as above except replace “bedroom” with “bathroom” and “palmetto bug” with “huge motherfucking wasp.”
4. Feeling generally exhausted, headachy, and icky. Sleep schedule completely off. Incomplete sentences.
5. The office copy machine has been broken for what seems like weeks now, apparently because some genius broke a part of it while “trying” to “fix” a “paper jam.” The administrative assistants have been filling in by making all our copies on their top-secret machine that we aren’t allowed to use. Of course, they will only do this after we fill out an appropriate request form and place it in a special receptacle X hours before the copies are needed. They are nothing if not accomodating, nice, friendly, approachable, and free of snark when it comes to such requests. By which I mean the opposite of that.
6. Via a recent memo, I learned that non-tenure-track faculty now receive 1/6 of the travel funding to attend conferences that used to be given last year. Point of note: I am non-tenure-track faculty. In case this short-changing should go unnoticed, however, the department has decided to make it more blatantly visible: I recently observed that whenever fliers are distributed in faculty mailboxes (promoting some department event, for example), tenured and tenure-track faculty receive color copies while non-tenure-track faculty receive black-and-white copies. Separate but equal, one might say.
7. I keep trying to publish this post but the “internet” keeps being “unable” to “contact” my “server.”
Yes, it’s safe to say I am feeling the funk. And you?