In which I am Awkward

Good evening, people of the internet. I have a million things to tell you about, many of them hopefully thoughtful and interesting, but none of those things are within this post. Oh, no. See, the thoughtful and interesting things are waiting to be thought out, whereas this post is probably going to turn into a brain dump of random stuff and anecdotes. What do you think about THAT? (Don’t tell me.)

Thing the First: My MacBook is in the shop this week (again, for the same problem with the display), which means I can’t edit and post any of my daily photos until I get it back. I have no photo editing business on my little Windows netbook. I have been so used to working on my daily photos that I feel like I’m going through photography withdrawal!

Speaking of withdrawal, Thing the Second: I have been cutting back on sodas lately. I never drink the full sugar ones (& haven’t for at least ten years), but of course even the diet ones are bad for you. And, apparently, addictive! I don’t buy soda for the house any more but I let myself have one a day while at school. Well. The other day, I was at home doing various domestic nonsense when the craving for soda came over me and I had to leave, go to the GAS STATION, and buy not one but two diet sodas. It was like a flashback to when I used to smoke and I had to have a cigarette and would absolutely murder anyone who stood in my way (after which I would of course dry them out, crush them up, roll them in a 1.25 AND SMOKE THEM). Man. Freaking DIET SODA. Who knew. I need to get off the stuff.

And speaking of drugs again, how about Thing the Third: my muscle relaxers. I got those for my back injury and had a bunch left over. Which was lucky, I thought to myself, when I happened to hurt my neck last week in yoga class. (Not very zen of me at all.) WELL. I took one at 8:00 in the evening, thinking it would be worn off in 8 hours and I would be well and fully drug free for school the following morning. Not the case, y’all. I was HIGH as HELL all day long. Just STONED. Hiiiiigh. I was all, “CAN ANYONE TELL I AM HIGH BECAUSE I THINK I AM ACTING NORMAL AM I TALKING TOO LOUD? MAN AM I THIRSTY. DO YOU HAVE ANY STEVIE WONDER? OR CORN CHIPS?”

And in news totally unrelated to this, Thing the Fourth: the kind of news I am not even sure I should tell you because it is so embarrassing. There is a guy I kind of have a crush on.  That is embarrassing enough, because what am I, twelve years old, with my “crushes”? But that isn’t the bad part.  I ran into him today and I was all proud of myself for actually having on a cute outfit and happy that I had just come from the bathroom where I had of course checked my teeth for any post-lunch stowaways so I knew I did not have a big chunk of spinach right in my chompers or anything. Luck was on my side! And then what did I go and do? I was talking about my plans to go swim laps (bonus point for me with my healthy and wholesome after-work plans) when I somehow managed to throw the phrase “eye hickey” into the conversation. EYE HICKEY. No, I was not high at the time. It was SOMEWHAT relevant (swim goggles, etc.), but Jesus. Eye hickey. Mortifying.

And because I can’t possibly end on that note, let me add on Thing the Fifth: a cautionary tale about swimming without your contact lenses. So I was headed to the pool to work out and I had smartly packed my swim bag and everything, but I had worn my glasses to school (I’ll update soon about this but I got the most bitchin’ new glasses) and didn’t have my contacts with me. To save time, I just went straight on to swim, sans corrective lenses. Even though I am very blind, I managed to get through just fine. I even managed to have a pleasant conversation with the dude in the lane next to me about counting laps, and his upcoming scuba (oh, excuse me, SCUBA) diving trip, and whatnot. Pleasant, kind of portly, middle-aged dude. At some point toward the end of my swim, though, I began to suspect that he had finished his workout and a second kind of portly, middle-aged dude had taken over the lane. I am so, so blind without my glasses, see. I wouldn’t have even thought this, except that SCUBA guy had been knocking out pretty fast-paced laps, and as I was leaving the guy who was there was just slowly “aqua jogging” down the lane. Sloooowly. Was it the same guy? Just doing his cool down, maybe? Without my glasses, and looking through my water-flecked goggles, I just couldn’t tell. So I tried to look his way as I was leaving and tell him to have a nice trip, but he gave me a look like “why are you staring at me,” so I wound up mumbling something like “have a good workout” as I awkwardly left. Seriously, NO IDEA if it was the guy I had been talking to the whole time or not. I have really poor eyesight. And, if you do, too, then by all means do not leave your contacts at home. Awkwardness will ensue. Eye hickeys, on the other hand? Can happen to anyone.


  1. You have a crush on someone? I must know all details. MUST!

    Also, giving up diet sodas makes me want to cry. I’m obviously not there yet. Although I am trying to drink more water & limit myself to one or two sodas a day.


  2. I gave up pop for a bit in college after I got a kidney stone. I think I lasted about four months, but during that time I seriously lost like 10 pounds. It was amazing! Of course, part of that could have been that I cut back on the dorm pizza, too. Anyway, last year I thought I’d do the same thing, but there was literally no effect, so I went back to it. Oh, Diet Pepsi: so refreshing, so definitely addictive. I only drink a can per day (at work) since I usually don’t have any at home, but if I’m at my parents’ house, I probably drink three. Yikes…


  3. Ok, the important thing is how did he respond to the eye hickey comment? Because if he didn’t laugh, I don’t care how cute he is. That shit is and always will be funny.

    And I’ve done the same thing in the pool, although I have good vision. I just have a crap memory and everybody looks alike in a swimcap and goggles, you know? So now I’m just a lane hermit and talk to NOBODY.


  4. C – Oh, it’s nothing major but I shall tell you all about it when I talk to you! I think I could do better at nixing the soda if I made better use of my iced tea maker. PLAN: do that.

    K – I’m glad I’m not alone in my addiction to the diet sodas! But a kidney stone sounds like No Fun. I’d better keep it moderate. (So no more 12-packs in my fridge, because I will drink them in like 3 days.)

    K – He laughed, thank goodness, or I would have been even more mortified. But who knows, maybe it was the nervous laugh of a guy who realizes he is stuck in conversation with someone who talks about eye hickeys! Heh. Anyway. Also glad I am not alone in my swimming pool social awkwardness!


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