Riddle Me This

Let me tell you about this dream I had during my nap this afternoon. Wait, wait! Don’t go away! It’ll be short and sweet, I swear:

In the dream, I was carefully hammering a nail into my own gums for the purpose of hanging a painting there.

What the what?!

According to everyone’s favorite cocaine-addled crackpot theorist, one Dr. Sigmund Freud, the mouth is, in dreams, an ersatz sexual organ. Dream about your mouth and your unconscious is trying to tell you something about your hmm-hmm-you-know. With that in mind, hammering a nail couldn’t be more obvious.

But hanging a painting? On my gums?

The painting was small — a 12×12 square canvas. Painterly and impressionistic, with a thick application of colors: dark teal, gold, burnt orange. It was a portrait. But of whom? I can’t make the face come clear in my mind.

Dr. Freud would say that the details we forget from our dreams are the most important. If we forget them, it’s because our conscious minds aren’t ready to know them. The act of forgetting preserves the ego.

So whose face was on that canvas? I am absolutely dying to know.


  1. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar right? Or, in this case, mouth portraits.

    I’ve been having all sorts of weird dreams over here but I never seem to remember them ten minutes after I get up, despite my efforts to commit them to memory.

    If it’s a portrait of Edward Cullen, obviously it’s a sign that you should start watching True Blood again!


  2. Here is my advice: don’t put a picture on your teeth. Not until you put some wallpaper on them and get some nice furniture for your mouth first, that is.


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