Confessions, Desires, Dilemmas

I am so sick of having eggs for breakfast that, occasionally, the thought of them makes me gag. I’ve been alternating them with smoothies, but this is doing little to reduce the gagginess. Eggs. Gag.

And now, some Not-Quite Whole30 Confessions: I told myself in the beginning that if I wanted to have grains at some point, specifically whole, non-wheat grains like quinoa, I was allowed to. (I was mainly interested in cutting out the sugar, dairy, and alcohol — I firmly believe grains are good.) Anyway, this week I finally had some. A baked acorn squash with a quinoa-based stuffing. It was good. Nothing earth-shattering. Just felt the need to “confess.” In other confessions, I will be drinking alcohol on Saturday. You may recall the alcohol rider I tacked onto this experiment in the name of my friend’s big birthday party. Yes, I could abstain, but I told myself I didn’t have to and that is that.

And in other news! I’ve been missing playing music lately, and for a while I’ve been thinking of starting an easy (or relatively easy, anyway) stringed instrument for something fun to do. I’ve now decided: I want a ukulele. The only problem is figuring out where/when/how to buy one. The beginner-type models I’d be looking at are very cheap online ($50-80) and I could just pull the trigger right now and have one here in a couple of days. BUT. Long story short, a colleague just bought the local guitar shop, and in the course of asking if they sell ukes and if so which brands, I may have implied I would be ordering one through him. I did not mean to imply that. I was just gathering intel. Don’t get me wrong, I’d LOVE to support a local business, especially one where I personally know the owner, but if that happens the cheap factor goes out of consideration. I’ve got some mulling to do, and I may have to just be frank and just ask, like, hey, man, I know you’ve got to make a profit, and I’d be happy to help you do that, but exactly how much are we talking here? Because spending $50 on a fun purchase is one thing; spending $125 (just a guess) is another thing entirely. Dilemma.

I suddenly hate and/or am bored by all of my clothes, and I’ve got the urge to shop. I am seriously barely able to stop myself. I’ve been browsing websites and brick-and-mortar shops relentlessly, thinking of thing after thing that I don’t need but want to have. New grey leather boots. New jeans. A new cozy sweater. A new blouse. New flats. The thing is, I really and truly DO NOT NEED any new clothes or shoes at the moment. A new pair of running shoes in the next 1-2 months, and a new pair of sandals in summer. That is all. Refrain, self, refrain!

And, most confusing and disturbing of all — and I will 100% blame this on the Whole30-based dietary restrictions — I keep thinking about eating meat. I cannot even. Meat. Meat?! What the hell is happening in my mind right now? I overheard someone say something about barbecue the other day and the longing was so surprising and real that I felt actual pangs. Vegetarianism is still what feels right for me, for several reasons. And after Whole30 is over, eggs and I may need to go on a break, which would bring me back to veganism. So why the obsession with meat?



  1. Maybe it’s denying yourself other things you usually eat that is making you crave meat? Like usually you DO eat some sugar and have alcohol and caffeine and eat more grains, but not having ANY of those things has clicked something on in your head that is like, hey, I miss meat too. I dunno.
    Funny, about the shopping, because I was just thinking the other day that I DON’T feel like shopping, which is an entirely unprecedented experience for me. It’s good though, since I have an entirely complete wardrobe at the moment. (*And* I splurged and bought myself a pair of black boots I’d had my eye on for my birthday.)
    I think you should just be upfront about the ukelele. Maybe you could tell him if it works out and you get serious, you’ll think of purchasing a *real* one from him (when you have time to save…)?
    And finally, I feel that way about eggs too when I eat them over and over. Esp. soft-boiled. Guh.<–not helping.


    1. I think you may be right — I was kind of thinking, maybe I just want something “forbidden”? Maybe I’ll feel better when my protein sources are more varied (I can’t have seitan or my favorite faux sausage now because they both contain gluten).

      I will need a picture of said boots!

      That’s a good idea on the uke issue, too. Thanks. Last thing I told him was that I wasn’t sure what I wanted yet and I was looking at various options. We’ll see.


      1. These are the boots. (If that link doesn’t work, they’re Keen Akita Mid Boot, black, obv.)
        I had them on my wishlist for a while, and then Zulily had a Keen sale, and they were 50% off! I couldn’t resist. BUT, since it’s one of those surplus brand name sites, who KNOWS when they’ll show up (2 wks and counting). Sniff.

  2. I want to buy all new clothes too!!! Or rather have them magically show up at my house and fit just as I’d imagined while browsing them online. But I also have like 9 million other things I buy as well, especially with this Relay thing we are doing because all of a sudden I feel like I need all this STUFF and yeah…not made of money, unfortunately. I need to work to rectify that. 🙂


    1. Yeah, exactly! I am saving up for summer (I don’t get paid in the normal way May-Aug), saving up for a bike, and still working on Egon’s bills. So yeah, clothes shopping is the LAST thing I should do…


  3. I find the craving meat thing REALLY interesting. Like Clarabella, I’m betting some of it has to do with cutting out other things and your brain reading the fact that you’re missing those as wanting meat. But I’m also wondering if some of those things, like, satisfy a similar need to meat in some way. I don’t know enough about psychology or nutrition to make any real connections, but I find it fascinating.

    Enjoy your treats! And just shop smart. Which you will.


  4. What about some thrifting to enjoy the pleasure of some new-to-you clothes? $5 shirts, hey hey!

    I think your crazy thoughts are ABSOLUTELY because of the Whole 30. The psychologists have found that willpower is a limited commodity, so when you flex it in one place, you have less in other places. However, it’s also like a muscle in that the more you work at practicing control, the stronger your willpower becomes. So basically you will have superhuman willpower strength by the end of Whole 30 🙂


    1. That’s pretty much exactly what I did — wound up with a $20 pair of Joe’s Jeans that fit perfectly and were hemmed to the perfect length by the previous owner. LOVE when that happens!


  5. Sorry I had to say it. It seemed the thing lacking in this conversation. I think going vegetarian is something that is probably easier when people are younger, but when people are older it can be much harder – it is hard, maybe impossible, to learn new tastes.


    1. Ha. WELL, the thing is, I normally only miss it occasionally, and only certain things (BBQ pulled pork, Chick-fil-A nuggets). This time, it was like a persistent craving for any- and everything! Ugh.


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