Moving week is here! Well, except that it isn’t here at all, in fact, and no one has seen it. WHERE IS MOVING WEEK? We were supposed to pick up our keys to the new house today, only when CW went by the office to do so, he found out that the family living there hadn’t dropped the keys off yet. It’s unclear whether they’re still in the house or not. They were supposed to move out on the 9th (nearly a week ago). Um, WHAT?!

Apparently the rental company folks don’t really know what’s going on, and it seems to have escaped their notice that the family hadn’t turned the keys in. We’re supposed to check back tomorrow and see what’s up. Sure. I find it not at all comforting that one of the people in the office reportedly told CW that “maybe they could get us in there by Wednesday,” and the other said “maybe by Friday.”

1) WHICH IS IT?
2) WHY DON’T YOU KNOW? And
3) OUR MOVING TRUCK IS SET FOR SATURDAY, SO “MAYBE BY FRIDAY” AIN’T GONNA CUT IT.

So anyway, this afternoon was supposed to be spent checking out the new place and taking over a carload of smaller items. I even had the happy and lighthearted idea to bring over some beer and wine and snacks so we could celebrate (and stock the fridge for the next few hot afternoons of hauling boxes). Instead, I spent my afternoon fretting and continuing to pack. Only one of those activities was useful.

A Crappy Day Present from @BindsTheTuna and a gin and club soda with lots of lime have somewhat eased my pain, I suppose.

But, I mean, you guys, what is GOING ON? Why haven’t these people moved out? Or, did they move out and forget to hand back the keys? When they DO move out, if such a thing can be imposed upon them (PLEASE), how long will the between-tenant cleaning and painting take? What if we miss our scheduled moving-truck day on Saturday? We have to be out of our apartments by the following Tuesday and I have to work! I cannot take a day off for make-up moving day! And I cannot overstay my current lease!* CUE ANXIETY AND IMPOTENT ANGER.

*See, I cannot overstay my current lease, because I am not an inconsiderate douchenozzle. I would not DO THAT. That is not just a THING that someone DOES.

Well, thank you for letting me get that off my chest. I would’ve tweeted the whole damn story, complete with accompanying panicked questions and rants, but I am under a self-imposed constraint today requiring that I exclude the letter E from all my tweets. (Why? Because I taught this book in class today and wanted to try something like it myself, for the sheer love of linguistic gamesmanship. I have only messed up once so far.) When a person is stressed and angry, composing 140-character bursts while excluding the English language’s most commonly used letter is not soothing; it is infuriating. For example:

“I can’t get obtain the keys “unlocking things” for the our new house habitat today because as the old tenants renters residents dwellers inhabitants are late tardy moving out. Damned Damn lipogram for fuck’s sake sack!”