Not twelve hours after I posted last week about how tired I was (eliciting, I’m sure, more than a few eye rolls from my friends who are parents — sorry!), I figured out the reason I felt so fatigued.
Yep. It was yet another of those incidents where, if I’d only been paying better attention to the calendar, I could have easily understood why I felt so tired, irritable, hungry, weepy, and/or in need of chocolate. Sigh.
And this time around, I really should have known better: I was paying attention to the calendar. If I’m being honest, I have to admit that the arrival of that particular Special Visitor was an unwelcome surprise. I’d been hoping she wouldn’t show up. For a while — if you know what I mean (and I think that you do). In my wishful and hopeful thinking, I probably convinced myself I wouldn’t see her, but then all of a sudden there she was, the very morning after I wrote that post. DAMMIT. WHY. GO AWAY.
So anyway, these things have been on my mind these days — occupying plenty of my brainspace, against my will — and I both do and don’t want to articulate my thoughts here. I want to talk about it enough that I am writing this post, but I don’t want to talk about it enough that I refuse to spell out what it is I’m so ambivalent about saying. I mean, I DO want to talk about it, I guess, but here’s the thing: if you know me in person we are not talking about this in person, okay? What I say here stays here. I declare that to be the rule and this is my space and therefore I am the boss. Accept it.
Right, so. A little whippersnapper. We would like one. No luck yet, but we’ll keep working on it. In the meanwhile, I am going to drink a big, cold glass of white wine and eat some candy and try to think of as many ways as possible to say things without actually saying them, because, really, how fun is that.
Raveling Out 
Oh Kate. I wish I knew the comforting things to say (and you’d think I would have figured them out), but I don’t exactly. What I DO know is that I am genuinely sympathetic, and I think all of your thoughts and feelings about this are completely legitimate and understandable and you shouldn’t have to justify or qualify them. Crossing my fingers for a very different, more enduring visitor soon ❤
Thank you, Miriel — I know you know what I am talking about! And I guess there may not be any perfect thing to say, I just appreciate the sympathy.
In that case, that’s exactly what I want for you, too. Fingers crossed and all that jazz.
Thanks, Kristen 🙂
Oh, honey, I know. Hang in there!
I’m hanging! Thanks!
There have been some similar hopes and disappointments in these quarters, to the point where we are now enlisting the assistance of the world’s finest most invasive embryo-making technologies. We spent about two years trying in a joyous but increasingly pessimistic fashion before finally deciding to see a specialist, and then almost a whole nother year passed in tests and soul-searching and administrative/legal stuff that has to happen here before IVF can start (compulsory counselling, police background checks, blah de blah – just inject the transgenic hamster ovary serum awready). It’s hard work, esp. trying to walk the median between the hope that’s necessary to make it happen, the yearning, and the trying not to yearn or hope too hard. Thank dog for the cats, who are doing their best to sate my need for small mammals that can be held in the lap and patted.
So, sending more power to your gametes, and lots of hope for good news soon, and in the meantime some good distractions xx
Oh my goodness! That is so much to go through; it can’t be easy. Well, fingers crossed for you two! I’ll be thinking of you and I’ll hope to hear some good news soon 🙂
Thanks so much for the finger-crossing, KO. Right back atcha.
I sincerely hope things work out and that your next visitor is very much a welcome one. My fingers are crossed!
Thanks, Chrissy!
There are some good apps that you can use to track when is the best time to *ahem* you know uh yeah. This one called Ovia looks cool, you track your basal temperature (among other indicia) and it collects data over time and yada yada. Also maybe try an ovulation prediction kit, it’s test strips you pee on and they help you find the best window of opportunity. I know how you feel about CONSTANT VIGILANCE and that is why I make these hopeful suggestions. I will never tell you to “just relax and it will happen when you least expect it!” or any of that dumb bullshit. Screw you, Aunt Flo! (Ew, I can’t believe I just said that).
I am already doing those exact things — that exact app, in fact 🙂 Thanks.
When you mentioned you were tired in that post, I thought maybe you were waiting for that little whippersnapper already. So sorry to know that it’s been difficult. I also had a hard time – turned out my thyroid function was within normal range, but on the slow side. This is important to make things happen. So I started low doses of thyroid treatment and things worked out really quickly after that. I only need treatment if/when wanting to conceive. Otherwise, like I said, it’s all within normal range for daily functioning. May be worth looking into if you haven’t already. Fingers crossed for you guys!
Thanks, Carrie — that is a good tip! I’m glad it worked so well for you. Next time I see my doctor I will definitely be asking her advice.
Ugh. This is a really un-fun time. You can only control so much, and you have all this information, and you can’t just make your body do what you want it to do,a nd you can’t even like rail at the world because nothing is really WRONG except for how it’s not what you WANT. It’s really just terrible. I’m so sorry.
Thanks, Liz. It *is* really frustrating to have all the information but not really be able to do anything about it. I am a researcher and then a DOER, so. I mean, I guess there’s ONE thing to do…heh.