Twenty-Two weeks in, just 16 to go.

If I look at the statistics about when the majority of twins are born, I could reasonably expect them to be here, or almost here, in around three months (when I’ll be thirty-five weeks). Still hoping to make 38, though. You hear that, babies? THIRTY-EIGHT.

The Babies are the Size of: Two ears of corn. These fruit and vegetable comparisons are starting to be mildly alarming, I’ll be honest. An ear of corn seems like a startlingly large thing to have living in your body.

How I’m Doing: Well, let me tell you. I had a nosebleed on Sunday afternoon while I was working at my desk, so that was fun. Then, on Monday, I wore slightly-too-small pants that hit just under the belly and I felt like my uterus was in a permanent contraction all day long. NOT COOL, PANTS.

Outside of any pants-issues, I’ve also been having noticeable Braxton Hicks contractions lately, especially if I am being active or if I have a full bladder. The only sort of concerning thing is that “being active” can mean as little as walking through the (long) hallways to my next classroom. I can teach mostly sitting down, but I am practically getting a BH contraction on the way to every class. I know this is nothing to worry about at the moment, but I also fear what this betokens for the future in terms of making it through the semester without having to go on bed rest.

Movement: Movement is officially in the fun stage. I can feel the babies partying down regularly throughout the day (because clearly they are 24-Hour Party People) and my husband is beginning to be able to feel movements from the outside. He has yet to be there at the exact moment when one of them does a really BIG noticeable kick, but I’m sure that’s coming.

Baby Girl (A) is down low enough at the moment that I can feel her movements in, well, some rather awkward places. So, you know, that’s also happening.

Eating: Key lime pie. Twix (the official candy of the W-i-c-k— twins). Peaches. Zucchini muffins. Salads. That last item is noteworthy purely because while I’ve been eating salads throughout this pregnancy — for my own good — I am now actually enjoying them again. Thank dog.

Wearing: You guys. One of my favorite (loose, forgiving, non-maternity) blouses that I thought I could wear for a while longer has now become unbearably tight. I was JUST wearing it last month! Look. Those jeans don’t fit anymore either. So the morning that I tried to wear this blouse and it didn’t fit, I switched to this (loose, forgiving, non-maternity) blouse instead. And apparently I ripped the side seam right beside my left boob while I was putting it on and did not notice until I was already at school. I temporarily repaired it with packing tape and the fix held all day, but seriously, y’all, I wanted to cry. In a fit of pique I spent like $150 at Target buying every maternity shirt that looked even remotely work appropriate. I believe you know how I feel about too-small, contraction-inducing pants, too. NO MORE!

Other News: [Redacted long paragraph about unsolicited personal/medical advice from professional colleagues.]