Today has been a hell of a day, y’all. I think I might have actual flames shooting out of my head.

I thought I had a nice, comfy, work-from-home day lined up for myself and was preparing to sleep in and luxuriously loll about in bed until the princess like hour of 8:00, at least. Something deep inside my groggy brain, however, inspired me to check my calendar app this morning when I briefly woke up to say goodbye to my husband at 7:00 and I wanted to sob in dismay when I saw I’d booked myself for a workshop on campus that I had to attend all morning. Well, shit. So much for working from home.

Also, it appears that keeping both a meticulously organized bullet journal and a completely up-to-date digital calendar is useless against the amnesiac effects of “pregnancy brain*” if you forget to CHECK THEM.

*Let’s quit with the cutesy names and call it what it is: Hormones Make Women Emotional and Stupid.

The other main task I had to accomplish was dropping off a CDP at the post office. This should have been a fun task! I was spreading good cheer to a friend, for one thing, plus I was happy about all the fun stuff I’d put together for her and proud that I’d managed to get it all together to mail by the deadline.

But, yeah, let’s be real: this errand involved a pregnant woman, a long-ass line, a heavy box, and a sweaty, stuffy, non-air-conditioned post office. From the moment I walked in and found my place in the back of the line, the line did not move for at least 30 minutes. At the counter, an older employee was helping a man send a giant box to China. They kept misunderstanding each other and had to fill out the customs paperwork at least three times that I saw. He was still at the counter with her when I left. Another employee was just standing there chit-chatting with a woman at the counter while she filled out the addresses on a huge stack of envelopes. They were still going by the time I left, too. The third and last employee at the counter was actually processing people through his station, but since he was the only one doing so, it took me about 30-40 minutes to get from the back of the line up to him. At some point, I gave up on trying to hold the heavy box and just set it down on the floor, took a greeting card out of the display nearby and started fanning myself with it. I honestly did not care one bit how ridiculous I looked. I was about to pass out.

Since I’ve been back home this afternoon the dog has been barking literally the entire time (NO ONE IS OUTSIDE BUDDY SETTLE DOWN I SAID SETTTTTTLE DOWWWWWWN) and my phone and email have both been blowing up with messages. People are asking me questions they shouldn’t have to ask and I’m having to tell people to do things they should already know to do. I forgot about two assignments I was supposed to be grading today AND I forgot I assigned an article for one class that I haven’t read yet.

My greatest dream right now is to take a nap but I’m not even going to bother trying because — in addition to all this work —  I’m expecting a UPS delivery and I just know the delivery man is going to ring that motherfucking DOORBELL.

I JUST WANT TO LIE DOWN. LET ME LIE DOWN ALREADY. DAMN.