Well, the time has come. I am officially an uncomfortable grump. I am too hot all the time because I live in Alabama where the weather in the last week of October insists on being in the mid 80s. I will never stop sweating and I will never be cool again and my life will be spent sweating through one pair of underwear after another after another.

All of my clothes are uncomfortable and I have resorted to wearing an enormous blanket to work. (It’s only 68 degrees today thank dog! But the temperature will be back up again by Wednesday.)

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My wedding rings are too small for my giant ham hands and I have resorted to wearing a not-my-actual-wedding-ring ring, which is still, if I’m being honest, slightly uncomfortable.

I am hungry and would like to eat all the time but there is no room for food in my stomach and eating gives me, at best, the feeling that my entire abdomen is about to explode and, at worst, heartburn from hell.

I guess this is what it feels like to be 31 weeks pregnant with twins?

Worth it, obviously, but allow me my moments of pique.

I forgot my wallet today so not only did I not have lunch money but I also didn’t have my ID to swipe into my classrooms. (Thank dog for the office admin for loaning me her ID and for my husband bringing me the wallet in time for lunch.) It feels hard to handle normal life tasks at the moment without letting something slip. I am snapping at everyone around me and ranting on Twitter about everything I can’t rant about in person and I have not-quite seriously considered how I can wreak my revenge on the people and things that are making my life miserable right now, up to and including the campus security officer who inexplicably tries to stop me from proceeding to my legally allowed parking space every single morning. THAT IS WHERE I PARK SIR; LET ME THROUGH. Today I fantasized about taking his chair and hiding it in the parking deck or spraying him with silly string.

I am a delight.

I have four more weeks, counting this one, until Thanksgiving Break, after which I will just be coasting to the end of the semester. I hope I can hang on for four more weeks. Surely. But maybe it’s time to book that pedicure or massage for real now, you think?

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