Lately, I just really want to eat comfort food and candy and drink wine. And why wouldn’t I? I have my reasons, after all. It’s the season of festive fall foods, it’s the stressful time of the semester, it’s the anniversary of a heartbreak I’m still not over (yes I’m talking about the 2016 election and no I don’t think “heartbreak” is too strong a word — I went with that instead of “trauma,” which I think is also accurate).

So the Donut Drive is high right now, as it always is this time of year. I was going to make a joke about how I don’t think Freud had a term for Donut Drive, but on further reflection, I’m sure it falls under the general umbrella of Todestrieb. I keep wanting to make (and keep making) choices I know aren’t that great for my over all health and especially not for my desire to lose the 10 pounds that I’ve been trying to lose for several months now. I care, and yet, I don’t care enough.

I’m running and going to yoga and hydrating and eating generally healthy meals, most of the time. I think I’m going to declare that to be fine for now. And honestly, the indulgences aren’t that big. Carby breakfasts, snacks, big glasses of wine, a cookie with my coffee in between classes. The very occasional indulgent meal (recent example: cheese and black bean enchiladas and too many tortilla chips). Non-dairy nog in my coffee. A pumpkin beer. Fancy cheddar with my honeycrisp apple.

Well. This has turned into a delicious list, hasn’t it? Where was I?

Oh, right. I am having a hard time saying no to these things on the basis of wanting to lose weight. I must not want to lose weight that badly, I suppose, or I don’t have the mental energy or bandwidth right now — probably the latter. But if I’m not there now, when will I be? January? Is that when the Kale Drive takes over? Ugh.