If I were in charge around here, things’d be different, see?

  1. My first new executive order: Able-bodied people only going up or down 1-2 floors are not allowed to use the elevator in our heavily trafficked 10-story classroom building.
  2. Anyone waiting to enter the elevator will be required to first stand clear of the doors while allowing others to exit.
  3. New tax levied, creating a second set of elevators that would be designated for use exclusively by middle-aged men who like to stare at women up and down the lengths of their bodies. Save money by servicing these elevators infrequently.
  4. Job creation: addition of an express line at the coffee & bagel shop counter for people who want only to purchase self-serve drip coffee. Anyone ordering espresso drinks, bagels, pastries, or sandwiches will now be required to use the excruciatingly slow regular line.
  5. Bonus job creation: hire more people to actually make the sandwiches.
  6. Strictly prohibited: speaking to people who are wearing earphones.
  7. Violation of any of these laws would be punishable by a strict fine, with funds going to a different progressive charity each month.

2 thoughts on “If I were in charge around here, things’d be different, see?

  1. Jenn Johnson November 15, 2017 / 12:59 pm

    I often refer to my desire to be the Vice President of Common Sense at a University! It’s been my dream job for years! I’ve been to coffee places that have express drip coffee lines, bless them! Getting off an elevator etiquette is less of a problem in places where people use public transportation. For many Auburn students, I would imagine an elevator is as close to public transportation that some of them have been exposed to!!!

    • ravelingoutko November 15, 2017 / 7:58 pm

      Ha! You are right that it’s probably the closest they have gotten to busy public transportation! But still, common sense should prevail. Sigh.

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