Couldn’t everything and everyone please just operate around my specific schedule and preferences? Please? I mean honestly, it would make my life so much easier.

First of all, I’m going to need the rec center and powerlifting rooms on campus to be open regular hours even during school breaks. I can’t be coming in at lunch time to work out just because they aren’t open until 11:00 am. What are we, a bunch of reprobate layabouts?

Second of all — and on a similar topic! — aI’m going to need the 10K race this weekend to start at a decent hour as well. For example, 7:00 am, like any normal race. Not the insane start time of two o’clock in the afternoon. What even is that about? I don’t need to be running at race effort with breakfast and lunch both in my stomach. Not to mention that 2:00 pm is the hour at which my energy levels hit their absolute nadir.

And finally, if my car insurance did not have to renew during the same month as my kids’ birthday, my own birthday, and effing Christmas, that would be great.