Category / Health

by ravelingoutko

Year in Review: 2018

Look, we’re two full weeks into the new year and I’m sure no one cares. However, I have not missed a year of this annual survey since I started it in 2007 so buckle up!

Previous years’ answers are available here: (2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017). Over time I have modified and  deleted some of the original questions, but here’s what I’m working with this year:

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before?

I wore a bikini in public, made a child’s Halloween costume, joined a running team, and started an SSRI.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last year, I wrote that I’d like to: “Get a general practitioner so I can stop going to urgent care, spend less on frivolous purchases. Keep up my yoga practice. Race in another 5K and a 10K, as I’m now in a new age group!” And although I didn’t think of it as an official resolution, I decided that my leisure reading would only include books by women authors. I did really well on these!

For this year, I don’t have a real resolution. I am going to sprinkle a few monthly challenges into my year, including Dry January (currently going on right now, yay?), a month of daily blog posting, a no-spend month, a run streak month, a decluttering month, and more to be determined later. My leisure reading will focus on the voices of women, people of color, and LGBTQ writers.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes! Lots of internet ladies and a few work friends. So many little babies I need to hug.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not this year.

5. What places did you visit?

Atlanta (shopping), New Orleans (for a ladies’ weekend WHICH WAS AMAZING), Iowa (family visit), St. Louis (quick friend visit on the way home from Iowa), and Florida (family Christmas visit). I think that was it?

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

I’ll repeat last year’s answer, which is still true: “A sane president, mainly. I would also appreciate more time alone and a more organized house.”

7. What days from 2018 will you always remember?

Nothing comes to mind as I sit here. I may think of a day later, but if I do, it wouldn’t really qualify as a day I’ll “always remember,” so.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Figuring out that my overwhelming anger might be a symptom of anxiety. This was news to me! I hadn’t been feeling “anxious,” but whaddayaknow? Anti-anxiety meds made me significantly less angry. I mean, I still have swarms of bees coming out of my mouth on a daily fucking basis, but life is better.

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9. What was your biggest failure?

Healthy eating continues to be a struggle, as I mentioned last year, but I feel like I have improved my thinking on this front. I don’t feel like I had any “failures” this year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had some back problems off and on this year, which are awful when they surface, but I am doing better with strength exercises that really help. My biggest health issue was in October — STOP READING IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH — a spider bite (?) I acquired on a trip to the pumpkin patch that became infected and developed a huge, painful, horrifying abscess on the back of my leg. The doctor, ahem, took care of it for me and did a bacterial culture and it turned out to be MRSA and long story short, I still do not feel clean.  Thanks for nothing, festive fall family activities.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My trip to NOLA was pretty amazing. And daycare.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine, frankly.

13. Where did most of your money go?

Daycare. I’ll just keep repeating this answer every year until they start kindergarten.

14. What did you get really excited about?

Traveling with my BFFs, having our new friends move onto our cul-de-sac two doors down, and running a fast (for me) 10K in November.

15. What song will always remind you of 2018?

Not a new song, but Lil Mama’s “Lip Gloss” got a lot of play on my running mix.

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Same.
c) richer or poorer? Same.

17. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Socializing with local friends.

18. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Eating my feelings.

19. How did you spend Christmas?

We spent the week-ish before Christmas visiting with family in Florida. My in-laws have a place there and the rest of the family came down and stayed in a nearby hotel. It was stormy the entire time, so we spent a lot of the trip indoors (or driving through insane rain and winds to visit an aquarium). For the actual holiday, we were back home with just the four of us. The kids can talk and ask more questions about Santa this year, and they were absolutely ALL IN on the Christmas magic, which was pretty great.

20. What was your favorite TV program?

I continued to love The Great British Baking Show, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and The Good Place. I also enjoyed Marcella, Jack Ryan, Atlanta, and Mindhunter, which were new ones for me this year. Very excited for Game of Thrones to make its return soon!

21. What was the best book you read?

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng. Just perfection.

Here are some other highlights from this year, which was entirely devoted to reading women’s words:

  • Hunger – Roxane Gay
  • The Turner House – Angela Flournoy
  • The Wangs vs the World – Jade Chang
  • I’ll Be Gone in the Dark – Michelle McNamara
  • The After Party – Anton DiSclafani
  • The Witch Elm – Tana French
  • Career of Evil – Robert Galbraith
  • Why I Wake Early – Mary Oliver

22. What music did you get excited about?

Far too little. I kind of shifted from music to podcasts for most of my listening time this year. So…my favorite podcasts from the year were My Favorite Murder, The Ali on the Run Show, and The Popcast with Knox and Jamie.

23. What did you want and get?

Democrats in the House!

24. What did you want and not get?

Impeachment.

25. What was your favorite film of this year?

I saw and enjoyed: Black Panther, A Quiet Place, and To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. I also saw a lot of movies I didn’t enjoy all that much and, I’m sure, many I’ve completely forgotten! No standout favorites this year.

26. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Went with the family to Krispy Kreme on the way to work/school, ran 12K (an almost-yearly tradition on my birthday) and got a manicure. My in-laws arrived that afternoon to spend a couple of days with us on their way down to Florida, so we had pizza and cupcakes that night. I turned 41.

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

Lots of skinny jeans with blazers, for some reason.

28. What kept you sane?

Last year I wrote, “Coffee, running, and Twitter,” which is still true. This year I’ll add C3l3xa to that list.

29. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I very much enjoy Celeste Ng not only for her novels but also on Twitter. Anna Friel. Still Lin Manuel Miranda.

30. What political issue stirred you the most?

What didn’t?! Jesus, what an absolute trashfire. But probably children in cages at the border. That, probably. I mean, unless it was Brett Motherfucking Kavanaugh. #angrybees

31. Who was the best new person you met?

I feel like I’m forgetting someone, but nobody stands out? Eeep.

32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.

Take that spider bite to the doctor POSTHASTE.

And, as I say every year, qui patitur vincit.

33. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Not sure I have a song lyric this year. How about a lyric poem? This may be more “aspirational” than summative, but here you go:

 

“I Worried”

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

— Mary Oliver

by ravelingoutko

Donutstrieb

Lately, I just really want to eat comfort food and candy and drink wine. And why wouldn’t I? I have my reasons, after all. It’s the season of festive fall foods, it’s the stressful time of the semester, it’s the anniversary of a heartbreak I’m still not over (yes I’m talking about the 2016 election and no I don’t think “heartbreak” is too strong a word — I went with that instead of “trauma,” which I think is also accurate).

So the Donut Drive is high right now, as it always is this time of year. I was going to make a joke about how I don’t think Freud had a term for Donut Drive, but on further reflection, I’m sure it falls under the general umbrella of Todestrieb. I keep wanting to make (and keep making) choices I know aren’t that great for my over all health and especially not for my desire to lose the 10 pounds that I’ve been trying to lose for several months now. I care, and yet, I don’t care enough.

I’m running and going to yoga and hydrating and eating generally healthy meals, most of the time. I think I’m going to declare that to be fine for now. And honestly, the indulgences aren’t that big. Carby breakfasts, snacks, big glasses of wine, a cookie with my coffee in between classes. The very occasional indulgent meal (recent example: cheese and black bean enchiladas and too many tortilla chips). Non-dairy nog in my coffee. A pumpkin beer. Fancy cheddar with my honeycrisp apple.

Well. This has turned into a delicious list, hasn’t it? Where was I?

Oh, right. I am having a hard time saying no to these things on the basis of wanting to lose weight. I must not want to lose weight that badly, I suppose, or I don’t have the mental energy or bandwidth right now — probably the latter. But if I’m not there now, when will I be? January? Is that when the Kale Drive takes over? Ugh.

 

by ravelingoutko

2017 So Far: Constant Family Illnesses and Political Shitstorms

Oh, hi. Hello there. I am out of practice with blogging, but let’s see what happens here:

I was laboring under the illusion that I would suddenly have all kinds of freedom and autonomy when the twins started daycare in January and I don’t know whether to laugh or weep at how wrong I was. Parents, I know y’all know what I am taking about.

So far, the babies have experienced: norovirus (twice), RSV, Hand Foot and Mouth, and various respiratory viruses resulting in several hard-to-treat ear infections. (They now have ear tubes, so fingers crossed that pattern is over.) From the twins, I myself have caught the noro, RSV, and various colds, resulting in sinus infections, bronchitis, ear infections, and pneumonia. My husband has been similarly affected. It has not been pretty.

So basically, this is how daycare works: we pay daycare as much money as we pay to our mortgage every month, but much of the time the kids are too sick from GERMS THEY PICKED UP AT DAYCARE for them to actually GO TO DAYCARE.

ANYWAY.

We’ve had at least one child home sick every day this week. Fine. Not like we have jobs to go to or anything.

GOD.

So in addition to being sick and caring for sick people and barely — just barely — managing to perform my full-time job at a proficient and productive level, I have had time for … approximately nothing. It’s fine. Whatever.

I don’t even want to get into it, but also politics lately are sapping any emotional energy I may otherwise have had leftover. I’m sad and disappointed and anxious and suspcious and bubbling over with pure, white-hot, brain-melting RAGE.

I’M FINE.

In other news that has happened since the last time I posted:

I have been officially promoted at work to the highest rank possible for my position (to take effect when fall semester starts) and received a college-level teaching award. Not to brag, but I guess I’m pretty all right at my job.

I joined Biggest Blogging Loser, a friendly weight loss/good choices competition among my online lady friends and it helped me stay motivated to lose about 15 pounds from January-March. We just started a new round this week and I’m hoping to lose about 15 more, which will put me back at my pre-pregnancy weight. (The only problem being, of course, the constant family illnesses and political shitstorm are both driving me to comsume too much comfort food and wine.)

I’m back to hitting pretty decent paces on the run, which has me feeling good about my fitness and is a nice reminder that fitness and weight are not necessarily the same.

I have about 150 final exams to grade and then I will be done with spring semester. Deep breaths.

We are planning some summer travel, hopefully to include a visit to my friend on the gulf coast, a visit to in-laws in Iowa, and maybe a stop in St. Louis to see another friend on the way back.

Had to run an errand on campus, so these little bunnies got to run around on the grass for a while. 🐰🐰 Lew + Ella. 💙💗

My children are gorgeous, amazing little maniacs who keep it dialed up to eleven at all times and I love them so much.

 

by ravelingoutko

Fitness & Food Highlights: Week 8

Last week wasn’t the greatest in terms of meeting my workout goals, but I finished strong! I took some unplanned rest days in the middle of the week because my weird sore foot (I have, like, three distinct problems bothering me with my foot off and on, some of them since the twins were born, and I don’t want to get into describing it all, but it is occasionally totally fine and occasionally totally frustrating). By the end of the week, though, I was feeling better and had a great run on Saturday and a strength session on Sunday.

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Here’s what went down:

Monday: Rest Day. Would have worked out if I’d been on campus, but Labor Day threw it off.

Tuesday: Ran 3 miles (31:04). I did speed intervals on the treadmill and it felt great in terms of pace and fitness! My fast intervals were easily sub 9:00, which is pretty good for me at this point! I’d planned on making it four miles, though, but my sore toe problem forced me to stop earlier than I wanted.

Wednesday – Friday: Rest Days (foot issues)

Saturday: Ran 4 miles (44:42). This was my best outdoor run to date in terms of distance, pace, and attitude. The slightly cooler weather helps me SO MUCH. The last mile of this route is normally quite grueling and I have to take sad walking intervals, but on this day I had no problem powering through despite the hills and humidity. I even cranked up the pace to around 9:15 for the last quarter mile — totally surprised myself!

Sunday: Body Pump Class (60:00). Body Pump is my favorite group fitness class BY FAR. I have so much trouble motivating to do strength training on my own, but I love doing it in this type of setting. I’m not able to make any of the weekday classes due to scheduling, so I was just DELIGHTED to find out that they added one on Sunday afternoons and I can make it work. I got a little overzealous on the squat track, though, and my legs are sure complaining today — in a good way, though.

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Food Highlights: My husband’s perfect poached eggs, brie and grapes, and all the prosecco we drank while celebrating some good news.

Goals for the Coming Week: Weigh in. I haven’t done that in a while and I always get nervous about it. Better just get it over with. Don’t exacerbate sore foot. Stay mindful of my eating plan and calorie goals (this has been tough lately).

by ravelingoutko

Fitness & Food Highlights: Weeks 6-7

I didn’t get a chance to do my update last week, and now it’s almost Thursday of this week, so I’m very behind in my critical F&F posting. I’m sure you’re all on the edges of your seats. (Being very generous using the plural you, there.)

At any rate, I have had a good couple of weeks. I weighed in last week and am now down a total of 15 pounds since I started this mission. It feels good. My clothes are fitting better (some pants are quite loose now!) and I can see I’m making progress.

Here’s what went down the past couple of weeks:

Fitness Goals: I wanted to figure out a rough workout schedule for the semester, which I think I have done. So far, it’s gym cardio on Mondays, run on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays — at least once with the stroller– and more gym cardio on Sundays. The problem is that I am not going to be able to fit in a body pump class and I haven’t been pushing myself to do any other strength workouts, such as barre3. I need to get that back into the rotation. I’m going to try to figure that out this week.

Monday: Elliptical (30:00). A shorter workout because I had to get home in time to give my husband a ride to pick up his car from the shop. Still worth the effort to get moving!

Tuesday – Friday: Rest days due to back pain and scheduling issues. Wednesdays and Fridays are rest days anyway, so I only mised two workouts this week.

Saturday: Ran 4 miles (48:09). It felt hot and grueling even though I went as early in the morning as I could manage. I took quite a few walking breaks in the last mile, but I got it done.

Sunday: Elliptical (45:00). My usual Sunday afternoon cardio at the gym while watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Monday: Elliptical (45:00). See above.

Tuesday: Ran 2.8 miles (31:40). Evening run. I haven’t run in the evening in YEARS (I used to do this on the reg in college, but not since then). I really don’t mind it, except for the very full after-dinner feeling. It was a good way to fit in a workout on a busy day! Unfortunately, the days are getting shorter and I won’t have many more chances to run after the babies’ bedtime (due to it being dark too early).

Wednesday: Rest Day.

Thursday: Ran 3 miles in the neighborhood with the stroller (36:54). Stroller runs in the summer heat and humidity and hills, y’all. They’re BRUTAL. But it got done.

Friday: Rest day.

Saturday: Ran 4 miles (45:33). Best outdoor run I’ve had in quite some time. The weather was just a touch cooler and less humid on this day, and I could feel an immediate difference. I normally have to stop and walk in the last (hard, uphill) mile of this route, but not this time!

Sunday: Elliptical (45:00).

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Food Highlights: Food has involved quite a few things I normally would avoid while trying to lose weight. We had a friend over for pizza, for example, and he brought fancy gelato. Which I very much enjoyed. I had a couple of days of over-indulgent snacking for various reasons. But I also ate really well and mostly kept to my moderate plan. Highlights were the aforementioned pizza and gelato, my BBQ tofu salad, and this stuffed baked sweet potato with arugula and a poached egg. I am really enjoying arugula right now, dressed simply with olive oil, salt, and lemon juice. Recommended.

Goals for the Coming Week: Work in a strength or barre3 session; do at least 3 cardio sessions; don’t exacerbate sore toe.

by ravelingoutko

Fitness & Food Highlights: Week 4

This week was pretty successful! I did not manage to weigh in at all, so I don’t know if I had any results in the numbers, but my overall fitness and food goals fit in nicely with regular life, which is its own success. This is becoming a nice routine — and of course, fall semester is about to come along and throw a wrench in it! We’ll see how that goes.

Here’s how everything went down last week:

Fitness goals: Run ten miles (yes!), do at least one strength workout (yes!), workout at least 5 days (yes!)

Running? Again? Really?

My workout buddies. This week, it’s E who is less than enthused about the early-morning stroller ride. 

Monday: Elliptical (45:00). Boring, but effective. I would always rather be running, but I am very prone to injury if I run more than three days per week, so here we are.

Tuesday: Ran 3 miles with the twins in the jogging stroller (38:50). Last week I made it my goal to get to three miles with the stroller and I did! I had some long sections of walking (uphill), but the average pace wasn’t TOO terrible, considering the circumstances.

Wednesday: Rest Day.

Thursday: Ran 3 miles in the neighborhood (no stroller) (~36:00). This was just a hard run. I have been running mostly indoors (in the air conditioning) on a treadmill, so real outdoor running is still a bit rough right now. I expect that to improve.

Friday: Barre3 video (30:00). Some day I’ll start doing the longer videos. This was not that day.

Saturday: Rest Day.

Sunday: Ran 5 miles on the treadmill (54:00). I beat last week’s 5-mile time by over a minute, so while it is still a much slower pace than I am used to, it is getting better.

Salad

Food Highlights: The above southwestern chopped salad with cilantro-lime-yogurt dressing, my chana masala, all the iced coffee.

Goals for the coming week: The week will be busy and stressful: classes are starting and we’re interviewing nannies. I hope to keep up with at least 4 total workouts, run at least 8 miles, and do at least one barre3 workout.

by ravelingoutko

Food & Fitness Highlights: Week 2

Good morning, internet! I am here to report what I’ve been up to in the world of fitness and food over the past week. I’m experimenting with doing this type of post every Monday, so here goes!

Fitness and Exercise Goals this Week: Five workouts per week (yes!), run 10 miles per week (still no!), do at least two strength or barre3 workouts, i.e. one more than last week (yes!).

I keep posting that one of my goals has been to run ten miles in the week, and I keep not reaching it because I’m only running two days a week. I will not reach this goal unless I run three days per week, which is what I normally prefer to do anyway. The reason I’ve only been running twice is that I swapped out one of my normal run days for a spin class. That’ll change in the coming weeks, though, since the gym’s group fit schedule is changing with the end of the summer term. Look for 10-mile running weeks in the near future!

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My theme song for the week. Every now and then, Britney Spears is just the thing.

Monday: Inclined walking on the treadmill (30:00) and spin class (45:00).

Tuesday: Barre3 video (40:00). This was my first time doing a 40-minute barre3 workout since the babies were born. Felt good! It’s a rush to try to get in a longer workout + shower during the babies’ morning nap, which is usually only an hour, but it happened on this day!

Wednesday: Rest Day.

Thursday: Ran 4 miles on the treadmill (44:00). Treated this like a track workout and ran the first mile as a warmup, then 4×400 fast with 400 recoveries, then a mile cool down. “Fast” pace is 10:00/mile, currently. Could do better than that!

Friday: Body Pump class (60:00) + Elliptical (30:00). This was the last body pump class of the summer! Boo. Just as I was getting into a good groove, too. I use the university rec center gym, and they have limited hours and no group fitness classes during final exam week and the times between semesters — so groupfit won’t be available again until August 15th.

Saturday: Rest Day.

Sunday: Ran 3.65 miles on the treadmill (40:00). I had intended to do four miles, but my foot was too sore to go on in the end. I’ve been having issues with my right foot since the babies were born, and it was just acting up quite a bit on this day. Not sure what that’s about and hoping it will just magically go away. Hmm.

Currently obsessed with: fresh dill

Food Highlights: Greek salad and these vaguely falafel-ish things I made, homemade pizza Saturday night, so much iced coffee.

This week I weighed myself at the gym on Thursday and I am VERY PLEASED to report a 5-lb loss over the past two weeks. In retrospect, when I weighed in two weeks ago, I must have been retaining a lot of water due to PMS (my cycle just came back after weaning, but I didn’t know that at the time). So this probably wasn’t “real” (fat) weight loss, but it sure is a relief to see the scale moving in the right direction again in accordance with the effort I’ve been putting in.

by ravelingoutko

Let Me Tell You about my Fat Pants

Last week I received a big order of work clothes from Gap, including three pairs of dress pants I’d bought in a size larger than what I thought I needed. I really didn’t want to risk them being too tight and making me sad and uncomfortable, so I sized up. Well, they were still too tight. Unwearably tight. Infuriatingly tight. What the HELL.

I am currently still carrying all of the fat I put on during my pregnancy with the twins. I lost a little bit at one point, but for the most part I’ve been steadily maintaining and even occasionally gaining weight. I couldn’t cut calories while breastfeeding, but now that I’ve weaned, I can. So I’ve been trying seriously to lose this pregnancy weight for the past month or so, but I haven’t seen a lot of results. It’s time to kick things into gear around here if I want to get back in shape and feel more like myself. Carrying around an extra ~40 pounds is a very noticeable discomfort and I am done with it. DONE.

While exercise is a big part of feeling better mentally and physically, exercise alone has never helped me lose weight. For me, I have to be very careful and conscious of what I eat. Left to my own instincts, I eat much more food than I really need — bigger portions, more often, and more high-calorie treats. If I’m paying closer attention, which I can do best with the help of a food-tracking app (I use Lose It!), I can eat much more appropriately.

I’ve been working hard on that and I’ve seen where I was getting most of those excessive calories and I’ve taken steps to start new habits. Eating lunch on campus was a big hit — the healthy-looking sandwiches and salads at the campus eateries are a lot more calorie dense than I’d thought, for one thing! So I studied the menus looking for the best choices and also started packing my own lunches some days. I also stocked up on fruit and vegetable snacks for the house so I could grab that instead of a granola bar or a huge piece of cheese. CW and I are collaborating on making some lower-calorie meals for dinners, too. So hopefully this will help!

I decided I’d also go back to posting a weekly fitness update with my week’s workouts and maybe a brief comment about some food highlights. Hopefully I can do this every Monday.

My workout buddies
Gratuitous picture of my workout buddies in the jogging stroller

Here’s what last week looked like:

Fitness and Exercise Goals: Five workouts per week (yes!), run 10 miles per week (no!), do at least one strength or barre3 workout (yes!).

Monday: Walked on the indoor track (~20:00) and spin class (45:00).

Tuesday: Barre3 video (30:00).

Wednesday: Rest Day.

Thursday: Ran 2 miles with the jogging stroller (26:00).

Friday: Elliptical (45:00).

Saturday: Rest Day.

Sunday: Ran 4 miles on the treadmill (~43:00).

Food Highlights: Fresh peaches from the farmers’ market, the return of fried eggs over kale for breakfast, CW’s vegan bolognese over shredded zucchini.

A pretty good week! I haven’t weighed myself recently, but maybe I will get back into regular weigh-ins soon? I do think it’s helpful feedback to see, but I don’t like to get into weighing myself too often. We’ll see.

I know I have a few friends out there who are also working on a fitness/training/weight loss goal – I hope your week was good, too!

by ravelingoutko

Lumbering Along: A Postpartum Fitness Report

Saturday I ran three miles for the first time since the twins were born. The first time since early in my first trimester, actually. (I was still running when I got pregnant and only quit because I had both a small subchorionic hematoma and a huge post-ovulation ovarian cyst, so the doctors advised me not to exercise.) It felt both more difficult than I imagined and more satisfying to be back running what used to be an easy base/maintenance run for me.

When I started getting active again after the twins, I focused on some transverse abdominal work to help rehab my core (thanks to the always helpful advice of my friend Kathleen of Oh Baby!, who is a fitness expert — check out their videos if you want some great prenatal & postpartum fitness tips). Then I started walking. After a while, I threw in a block or so of running here and there, and damn, y’all, it felt SO WEIRD. My core still felt really weak, like there were no muscles there at all. My hip flexors felt weak and sore and otherwise just not right, to the extent that it felt difficult to lift my legs up. I felt like I was just flopping around out there. I also was so intensely focused on engaging my pelvic floor and transverse abs that I had to concentrate really, really hard. It felt a million miles away from the effortless, easy running I (felt I) had earned after years of work. Bodies, man.

Since those first awkward, floppy blocks, I slowly built back my time and distance. I started the Couch-to-5K running program as a way of giving myself some easy interval work. This program is a proven success as far as I’m concerned — it’s how I got running again in my early 30s after a long hiatus from health and fitness. I figured it surely could help now. The first four weeks of the program were great, but once I got to the point of doing run intervals of 3-5 minutes, I figured I was ready to take the reins myself. I started running straight 5:1 intervals around my very, very hilly neighborhood loop, which turned out to be a little over 2 miles total. Once I felt comfortable with that, I went to 10:1 intervals and then started dropping the one-minute walks as I felt ready. That got me up to 2 miles of straight running. Then I started adding distance: 2.5 miles, then 3. And here we are!

File Apr 12, 9 29 02 AM

On days when I don’t run, I might do a long stroller walk with the babies. Pushing a double stroller for 3 miles in my hilly neighborhood is a much tougher workout than you’d imagine — and it’s a good way to coax them into the afternoon nap they usually like to resist.

I’ve also been doing some barre3 online workouts, which I just love. So far I’ve only been doing the 30-minute videos, but I hope to work up to 40 or even 60 soon enough. These are great for me to do at home when the babies are napping (whenever I am so lucky!) and sometimes I can even manage it if they’re happily sitting in the swing & bouncy seat. I love that barre3 also has tons of 10 minute videos to work into my day if I can only get a little bit of time. It’s easy to just roll out the yoga mat and go — I don’t even need to change clothes, as leggings and a nursing tank are perfect for this workout. Bonus: two of the women in the postpartum “bounce back” workout are moms of twins — one woman’s twins were only 3 months old at the time of filming. If she can do it, so can I.

Afternoon Calisthenics
What’s this? An off-topic photo of the twins I am including purely on the basis of showing you them doing their daily workout? Guilty.

So fitness is going well — difficult but rewarding. It always feels great to get out there and get moving. Weight loss, however, is not happening. In fact, I have gained back 10 of the pounds I initially had lost, so that feels shitty. I’m now 35lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight, exactly where I was at my 5-weeks-postpartum checkup. Apparently this is a normal thing, though. The body wants to save energy for making milk, hormones are out of whack, what have you.

Nursing and pumping make me extremely hungry — there’s never a time during the day that I don’t feel hungry, even during night-time feedings. It’s torture. So I’m eating a lot, whenever I can. My meals are generally pretty healthy, and I do try to include healthy snacks, but I also still have this unshakeable sweet tooth leftover from pregnancy. I just want to stuff myself with sweets 24/7. Doughnuts, cookies, pie, candy, cake — you name it; I’m eating it. I have eaten two mini Twix bars while typing this paragraph. I’ll probably eat 6-8 more today. I bought a 2-pound bag of Swedish Fish on Friday and it’s half gone. It’s ugly.

I think part of it is the craving from pregnancy that turned into a habit and now I’m addicted to sugar. I think another part of it is that eating sweets during the day, especially when I’m home alone with the twins and busting my ass to get through the day, feels like a way of treating my self. TREAT YO SELF, I say, reaching for the fifth cookie of the day, you survived another rough nap time/synchronized crying meltdown/messy diaper/projectile spit-up. I also don’t often get the time for a lot of self care or, hell, even basic needs. I don’t get to shower every day, for example. I often forget to brush my teeth. I don’t get time for leisurely trips to the bathroom to take care of, ahem, business. But it only takes two seconds to stuff my face with sugar, so I guess I’m doing THAT instead. Yikes.

So anyway. I don’t plan to try cutting calories deliberately until E&L are at least 6 months old. I assume that cutting calories will cause at least some dip in my milk supply, and I’d like to keep providing as much milk as I can for the first 6 months. After that, I’ll reevaluate. Right now, I am planning on trying to tackle the sweets issue. Once these bags of candy are gone, I’ll refrain from buying more. I’ll try to stick to food with “good” calories as opposed to “empty” ones (with the exception of wine/beer because like hell I am giving up my nightly glass right now). I’ll still eat as much as I want, but just not as much candy as I want. The Twix might be gone by tomorrow. I still have a pound of Swedish Fish left, though, so that should last me until at least…Wednesday. After that time, be prepared to hear my bitter, candy-free wail ringing through the air. You heard it here first.

by ravelingoutko

Childbirth, Postpartum Care, and Breastfeeding in a “Baby-Friendly” Hospital

The hospital where the twins were born is a “baby-friendly” hospital. According to Baby-Friendly USA, that means:

The Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative (BFHI) is a global program that was launched by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) in 1991 to encourage and recognize hospitals and birthing centers that offer an optimal level of care for infant feeding and mother/baby bonding. It recognizes and awards birthing facilities who successfully implement the Ten Steps to Successful Breastfeeding and the International Code of Marketing of Breast-milk Substitutes. The BFHI assists hospitals in giving all mothers the information, confidence, and skills necessary to successfully initiate and continue breastfeeding their babies or feeding formula safely, and gives special recognition to hospitals that have done so.

Our hospital takes pride in having recently achieved “baby-friendly” status, and we heard a lot about it during our childbirth class and hospital tour. The goals of the initiative are admirable, and it leads to a lot of what I saw as benefits in terms of how the mother and baby are cared for in the hospital. Of course, no system is perfect, and the baby-friendly approach has a few problems that I found not conducive to good care, at least as I see it.

I thought I would share my thoughts, based purely on my own personal experience giving birth to twins at my local, baby-friendly hospital, in December of 2015. Of course, my experience may or may not be representative of the baby-friendly initiative over all, and mostly, I assume, reflects the care provided by the specific hospital in question and by their staff in particular.

That said, here are what I saw as the pros and cons of giving birth in a baby-friendly hospital:

PROS:
Skin-to-skin as soon as possible. This is one of the best things that happened in my delivery experience. I had an unplanned C-section, and one of my biggest concerns about having a C-section before the fact was that I might not be able to hold the babies and do skin-to-skin contact immediately after the birth. In the operating room, they did have to give L oxygen immediately after his birth and the surgical team had to sew me up, but immediately after that we were in recovery, holding the babies, doing skin-to-skin, and breastfeeding. That time was really wonderful and will probably always be one of my best memories of the experience.

Quiet time for parents and baby immediately after birth. In the hour or two immediately following the birth, the hospital does not allow anyone into the room other than the mother, baby, and partner/support person. It’s meant to be a quiet time for family bonding before any other visitors are allowed in. In our case, we didn’t have any eager family members out in the waiting room ready for their chance to get their paws on the babies — but if we had? I would have been VERY GRATEFUL for the nurses who would have kept them away during these early hours.

Daily quiet time. Every afternoon there is a two-hour stretch of designated quiet time during which no visitors are allowed in the rooms. Again, visitors weren’t an issue for us (our family lives out of state and came to visit after we were home; we didn’t invite local friends to come to the hospital). This policy was still very appreciated, though, because it turned out that this also meant hospital staff would not come in the room during this time. Sometimes, these two hours were the only respite we got from the unrelenting stream of hospital staff coming in and out of our room. More on that later.

Lactation counselors always on staff. We were really grateful for the help these women gave when it came to nursing, pumping, and eventually formula supplementation. Our current nursing-bottle feeding-pumping regimen was devised by one of these LCs and it has worked out well for us. We were also grateful for the opportunity to check in with the LCs two days after discharge to weigh the babies and revisit our feeding plan.

Babies’ care (tests, bath, shots, etc.) takes place in the room; babies “room in” with mothers/parents. It was really nice not to have to have the babies taken away to the nursery for their standard care. Hospital staff would only take the babies to the nursery if they needed special care, for example, if ours had needed feeding tubes or respiratory help. Healthy babies stay in the room with parents. In our case, E and L were healthy enough to stay in the room with us 24/7, with a couple of exceptions when the nursery staff needed to check E’s lungs for suspected fluid (she was fine).

CONS:

No pacifiers. With the focus on breastfeeding and the fears of nipple confusion, the hospital is anti-pacifier. They will not give out pacifiers, as far as I know, for any reason. During the nights when the babies were going crazy with hunger because my milk had not come in and I couldn’t cluster feed them for any longer, we needed pacifiers. Luckily, we had brought a couple with us — but we basically felt like criminals giving them to the babies! Whenever a nurse or LC would come into the room, I would whisk the pacifiers into my pajama pocket so she wouldn’t see. It doesn’t seem like a great idea to deny parents a tool that might be needed, or to make them feel guilty for employing it. See immediately below for more on this theme.

No formula. Again, due to the emphasis on exclusive breastfeeding, the hospital is anti-formula. We knew this going in, especially after the breastfeeding class we had taken, during which the LC essentially said that feeding a baby formula would turn the baby into an obese, stupid, maladjusted sociopath. (Not much of an exaggeration.) Clearly, breastfeeding is an important ideology here and formula is seen as the enemy.

In our case, we fully intended to breastfeed, exclusively if possible. But we had premature twins who didn’t weigh much to begin with and were rapidly losing weight because my milk had not come in. Three days after their birth, they’d already lost more than 10% of their birth weights. E had gone from 6lbs 12oz to 5lbs 15oz, and tiny L had gone from 5lbs 3oz to just 4lbs 11oz. We were already worried, but we thought we were going to be discharged and planned to give them formula at home until my milk came in. At least they’ll have something to eat when we get home, we said. The hospital had other ideas.

They told us they would not discharge the babies due to their weight loss, and they wanted us to stay for at least another day until they stopped losing weight. But! My milk had not come in! There was no food for them to eat if we stayed in the hospital! How could this possibly make sense?! We knew the hospital did not feed formula and at no time was any formula offered to us.

Finally, as the super-condescending pediatrician (who was refusing to discharge us) was busy mansplaining that my milk should come in “any day now,” my husband interrupted him to ask if feeding formula was something we could do in the meantime. “Well,” said the pediatrician, gesturing at both of us with disapproval, “if that’s something you want to do, the two of you can have that conversation. You can talk about formula and decide if that’s something you want to do.” At this point I had heard enough of his condescension and (I had been crying throughout this conversation) I tearily jumped in and said “We would like to do that. DO YOU HAVE any formula HERE that we can give them NOW?”

At this point the nurse who had also been in the room left without a word and came back with formula for us a few minutes later. So, they DO have formula in the hospital. INTERESTING.

I mean, OF COURSE they have formula in the hospital. Many babies need it for a medical reason. (And in this hospital, it is apparently only given out for medical reasons.) The hospital just hadn’t considered our babies to need it, so they weren’t going to offer it or give it unless we specifically asked. But no one told us we could ask. I basically had to have an emotional breakdown because my babies were starving in order to get desperate enough to demand it.

When the nurse returned with the formula, she quietly told me, “I’m glad you said that. If you hadn’t asked about the formula, I would have told you it was time.” She had the air of sharing a confidence when she said this, as if it was something she wouldn’t have said in front of the doctor or other staff.

Needless to say, this part of the experience really colored my impression of the baby-friendly initiative. Worried parents shouldn’t have to fear that they are starving their babies and be made to feel guilty for asking for food.

Healthy twins gave the impression we needed less help. This is sort of an aspect of the above item, and isn’t specifically tied to baby-friendly policies, but I feel the need to mention it. The hospital had five sets of twins born over the weekend while we were there — a remarkable number for our small town, for sure. All the staff kept mentioning it with wonder. From what I gathered, I think our twins were maybe the only set (or one of two sets?) healthy enough to room in with their parents as opposed to being sent to the special care nursery for extra medical help. I think that because the other twins on the floor needed more help in comparison, and because ours were breastfeeding (even if only colostrum), the staff didn’t think we needed as much help as we really did.

Three patients in the same room. Because the babies room in with parents in a baby-friendly hospital (which is great!), we had three patients in the same room (me and both babies). This led to constant staff intrusions. Nurses, techs, lactation counselors, pediatricians, OBs, cleaning staff, and food delivery people were coming in and out of our room at all times for various tasks. It was insane. The morning we thought we were going to be discharged but weren’t, we had people in our room at all times from 7:00 AM to 2:00 PM, the time when quiet hours began. We never had the room to ourselves for more than 5-10 minutes at a time during those hours. I couldn’t even get dressed after a shower without having to hide from a nurse when she walked in on me while I was naked*. What I learned (too late) was that we could ask staff to coordinate better to avoid so many separate interruptions. If you find yourself in a similar situation, Reader, please ask your nurse to coordinate with the other personnel to minimize the number of separate staff visits.

In general, my impression of the baby-friendly initiative (as represented by my specific experience at my specific hospital) is that it would be better termed “breastfeeding-friendly.” It did not seem particularly friendly to babies and certainly not to parents.

*And here’s a bonus story about the worst nurse of all time:

This nurse, Jean, was the worst nurse of all time. She was on shift the afternoon/evening immediately following my C-section, and she started on the wrong foot by “not hearing” and/or “forgetting” and/or “losing the order” when I asked for my pain meds. It worked out that my first dose of pain medication didn’t come for about two hours after I initially asked for it. Because I was then “behind the pain,” they had to give me an additional med, D3m3rol, to help alleviate it. It made me so out of it that I couldn’t hold a conversation with anyone and I barely remember the first night with the babies. So Jean was on my shit list for this reason already.

That was a Friday night, and we didn’t see her again until Monday, the day we thought we would be discharged, but weren’t. Nurses over the weekend had all been WONDERFUL, so I was certainly dismayed to see Jean again. She managed to annoy me a thousand different ways during the day. She kept calling my son “Lionel,” for chrissakes. Not his name. At one point, I was in bed nursing one of the babies when she said she had to “check my bleeding” and proceeded to pull down my pants to look at my lady business. Oh…kay then? No other nurse had done that since the night of the C-section, when I was immobilized and had a catheter in.

The final straw came that afternoon, when I was sitting in the recliner where I had been trying to nurse E for about an hour. E was angry and feisty (because she was hungry and there was no milk), so latching on was really difficult. Plus, we’d had a steady stream of people interrupting us for the entire time (taking her vitals, taking my vitals, checking her lo-jack ankle tag, and all manner of other reasons). I was stressed and the baby was screaming and arching and bucking and obviously super hungry but not wanting to latch. And, as I mentioned, this had been going on for an hour.

So Jean comes in to “check my bleeding” again and at this point I was like, NOPE. “I am trying to feed my baby right now. Also, no other nurse has had to check my bleeding that way in the past two days, so I don’t think you need to do that. I’d like to decline.” She was nonplussed, to say the least, and tried to persuade me that checking my bleeding was an essential part of her job. Again, NOPE. I was not having it. I was DONE.

To make a long story short, after this horribly awkward interaction, she became convinced that I was emotionally Not Okay, so she had another nurse come in and talk to me. This gave me the opportunity to tell the other nurse that 1) I was emotionally FINE, thank you very much, and that 2) my only problem was that “I [could] not stand Jean and [did] not want to interact with her ever again.” I actually said this. So Our Nurse Jean thankfully became Not Our Nurse Anymore. Suck it, Jean.