People, I am having One of Those Days. Every little thing is annoying me today, and I could write some kind of cohesive narrative about it all, stringing together all of the little annoying things with, like, thematic unity and shit, but I don’t really want to. Thus, you get a list:
1. I have both a headache and heartburn, and yet I can’t take Advil and Tums at the same time because the Tums will invalidate the Advil in my stomach through some kind of chemistry.
2. People keep asking me annoying questions they could easily resolve themselves, as if I am their personal, human version of Google or the IMDb. (Example: let’s say you don’t know what the IMDb is, and you then leave a comment going “What is the IMDb?” This would be one of those annoying questions. “You are on the internet right this second,” I would scream at you in my head, “LOOK IT UP.”)
3. The cat decided to poop on the floor in my office YET AGAIN.
4. I spilled an entire can of Diet Coke all over my couch, carpet, and tee shirt. I am mad not only about the stains and the endless clean-up, but also about the loss of Diet Coke.
5. I have a student who missed the last, oh, six weeks of class without telling me anything, and she decides to email me over break to tell me that her excuse was for medical reasons and to ask how she can make up all the missed work. All I can do is look at my email in disbelief, screaming, “What? WHAT?!”
6. I chose to stay in town over break to finally, FINALLY get some alone time, but people keep wanting to socialize with me, and I feel like I would sound like a psycho if I told them that I can’t go out because I am so stressed that if I don’t have a couple of days to myself, uninterrupted, I might go on a murdering spree (I mean what sounds crazy about that, right?), so I keep accepting the invitations (and sharpening my knives) (just kidding) (maybe).
7. I am on my last roll of toilet tissue and I forgot to buy any while at the store today, which means I have to go back tomorrow and I HATE the fucking Kroger with the angry heat of a thousand suns.
8. After that one nice cold day, it is back into the 60s again, never mind that it is November. To really appreciate this, Celsius users, you’ll need to know that the high today was about 16 C. It is supposed to be winter, dammit, or at the very least Autumn. Also, it is still 75 in my house (24 C). And all over town, all around campus, all on Twitter and Facebook, all everyone can do is complain that it is too cold. Too cold?
9. TOO FUCKING COLD?!
10. Speaking of Facebook, the horrible “People You May Know” tool decided that today was the right time to tell me that it thinks I may know the first guy I had sex with. Yeah, I know him all right. I know him to be a GIANT DOUCHEBAG. Thanks, Facebook.
Well, I’m not sure I feel better yet, but it’s a start.